it's friday.finally.
but there's sports carnival tml.
the school is so evil to take away our sat fer a sch event.
5 sch days per week is alr so damn tiring.
im so not totally looking forward to it.
but i shall go.cos im a good student.or tt's what im told to be.
luckily, sherry's daddy is driving me dere tml.
at least i dun have to wake up earlier den sch days.
thanks sherry(:

gotten a few of my papers back.i passed my chem(:
but failed my maths terribly.kinda expected it.
but i tot wld have been better.
spent the most time revising maths.
so...quite demoralising lah.
bio did better den expected,
but still i guess the most i'll get is a sub pass.
was quite pleased when she praised me(:
at least it gets me motivated to study.
i noe this isnt the best set of results in the world.
and there are so many people who are better den me
but at least this block test spurs the motivation to study.
and my results are better den last yr when im not working.
so working does not necessary affect a student's results.
it's just a steorotype. so stop using this as an excuse to tell me not to work(:
i noe wad im doing.
i wun let work affect my studies.

watched hearty paws on monday with my mum.
she seems rather pleased cos it has been eons since she last watched a movie
and i really wan her to see my working environment and what we do there.
i have positive influence there. and it's really the only single thing i enjoy doing now
every week i wld look forward to my working days cos i really like the ppl there.
but eversince my mum dun allow me to work, ive been feeling pretty empty.
i miss the excitment i always get when i look at the roster.
it's like my part of my life is gone. ive promised her i wldnt let it affect my studies.
but i guess it just doesnt seem convincing enuff.
maybe all along they still treat me like a little gal
one who cant make her own choice n decision.

went fer trg on tues.
loads of j1s turned out(:
did a few basic passes.3punch with them den played 6men.
i'll really really miss shah.he's a nice coach afterall.
i feel so argh cos we cant even have a say.
he is our coach n we cant even decide who we want.
will touch trg ever be the same w/o him? i guess not.
had subway after tt.simply delicious(:

went amk hub agn on wed fer lunch and caught the messengers with cally.
the plot was rather nice and unexpected.
cally said it's not very scary but half the time i was closing my eys.
i wonder why do people want to act in horror movies.

had trg on thurs w/o shah.
it's rather difficult to control a large crowd and i dun really noe how to teach
i realized tt i dun usually pay much attention to the details of the drills.
i jus play the way i think is right and react accordingly.
the j1s are pretty passive and quiet.
it'll take some time before everyone's familiar with everyone.
hubby came to fetch me after tt.whee(:
he's such a sweetie(:(:

today stayed in sch with the touch rug gals to watch the guys soccer match with the mediacorp
the only person tt we can recognize is gurmit singh.
the way he acts,plays n wears is pretty funny.
took a foto with him(:
one of the mediacorp player got injured quite badly at his cheeks.
but nobody really cared.
ny shld play a better host by providing him with first aid.
had dinner with sherry,cally,eelen and jaz at the coffee shop.
how i wish i had gals like these in my pathetic class.

another day at work(:
it just nvr seem to get tiring.
but ive nvr seen yishiun gv so crowded before
not even during xmas or new yr.
the box queue was practically till the traffic light
and even big halls are filled completely.
the wonders of mr bean.
and i hate it when i had to clear mr bean cinemas.
ppl spilled popcorns,drinks.nachos,ice cream and anything u can think of.
the whole mass was incredible.
singaporeans really have no cinemas etiquette.

had to train a new guy
it's pretty cool to be a trainer.
and i do noe a couple of things more than i tot(:

met up with hubby finally fer dinner
njc won some pretty prestigous dragonboat race today
i can feel his bulging muscles aching but at least it pays off on the form of a medal.
cant help but feel so proud of him(:

school's starting tml.
but it's half day fer me(:
only 3hrs of lessons.and it's all lectures(:

had trg dis morning
long time since ive really trained
it feels really good
ran 6 rounds.did drills and played 6men
some of the seniors and the rugby guys came
even 2j1s joined us
or else our attendence wld be so much more pathetic.
i wonder if anymore from our batch wld come back to play touch after we graduate.
do we really have as much passion as them?
how do we actually see touch ? are we taking this sport seriously?
sometimes i wonder why did some of us bother to make the effort to wake up early on a sat morning and come fer trg
when the rest cud easily come up with excuses not to come.
did we get extra credit? did all who turn up get chosen in the team?
unfortunately no.even the person who has the most passion wld feel demoralised when the whole team isnt there.cos it's just nt the same somehow.

i came fer trg even when i reached hm at 2am after my work the night before
and i even trained when im nt feeling well
and all i got is an accusing tone from her when i din turn up
all these really burn my passion off.
wad's the pt of sacrificing and commiting so much fer.
wad's the pt of being everyone's gd gal when dey wun even believe me or let me do one single thing i enjoy?
it's all abt them anyway.

the blocks are oveerr(:
im so glad it did(:
ended my last paper on wed and went shopping wif sherry,eelen n weitong
shopped at marina square,raffles city,bugis n sim lim square
got a choco fondue treat from eelen(:
and bought a tee from bugis.
it feels so good to shop after a major exam.
no nid to feel guilty abt nt revising

towned with sherry ytd
and i bought a pretty dress(:
rushed down to work at 5pm n had candybar closing with jasmine
actually candybar closing isnt tt bad
but the crowd was superduper horrible
had to send in like 40plus cheesy and jumbo hotdogs
cos we din expect so many ppl on a weekday nite
and my manager din warned us abt the crowd
yet she blamed us fer not preparing enuff food.
but it was still fun working with my frens(:
luckily din have anymore hiccups when closing
so we managed to end work on time and i cabbed n reach hm at 12am.
i prefer working in the night cos it gets pretty quiet at night and we can chat and play ard
unlike in the morning i have to serve,top up and do everything.

went to work today too
was quite irritated cos the floor opening was in a total mess
i had to clear all his shitty work and he wasnt at all grateful
he's such a slacker.he does nth and complain all the time
i worked at floor fer awhile but auntie chia wasnt feeling well
so i took over her shift and worked at candybar
actually i preferred to work at the candybar now
dun really like clearing or checking the cinemas
cos it seems scary sometimes

jasmine asked me take over auntie chia's shift tml n do candybar opening
but im gg trg(:
so had to reject her:(
and im nt confident to open candybar alone too.
anyway heard from many of my frens tt mr bean isnt very nice
so ive decided not to watch it.
i rather watch hearty paws or stomp the yard(:

it has been so long since i met up with hubby.
he had been having intense trgs
and got no more time n energy fer me after his thousands of push-ups,crunches and wadsoever.
but i promised i wun complain and whine.
so i shall be understanding(:

tml im gg out with my family to fer more shopping(:

1more day till the block test
damn.i feel so damn saturated.
everyday i had been mugging my ass off.
wonder if anything really goes into my head n stays there.

these few days i had been pretty much alone
my beloved tv is my sole companion but i love being alone at home.
went out only on wed to watch pursuit of happyness with cally.
btw,auntie chia is back(: she's forever sooo nice to me(:
i love watching movies at yishun gv cos i'll see familiar faces
and i really feel part of them.
anyway i had a nice company and watched a great movie.
wad's a better way to spend my afternoon?

damn tt f*cking bitch
if u have so much time, pls f*ck ur beloved bf n leave us alone.

the march holidays is finally here(:
thou it's ending soon.
i get to slp late.wake up late. and study more.
we shld have 1week break after each mth to collate whatever we have learn
3mths per term is kinda long.too much to catch up
and too late to do so too.
anyway im enjoying my stay at home everyday
i get more things done.
n i feel accomplished.but there's still so much left to revise.
i hope nth will disrupt my study plan.

im giving up on smth i love.
fer smth tt i supposedly shld love more.
i felt so much emotions on sunday.
feelings tt hurt so much tt i tot i'll be numb fer the rest of my life.
but today when i think back of the happy days
i can still feel tt happiness and bliss.
only this time it was mixed with helplessness and unwillingness

there may be more of these moments in my life.
moments which i'll be force to choose.
and moments which i have to give up smth i love
i may cry n whine about it.
but no matter how hard i fight. i will nvr win this battle.
i have no power.no weapons nor any soldiers with me.
i was bound to lose right from the very start.

sometimes we all noe the ending may not be a gd one right from the start
but still we wanted to give it a try.
we tot we cud change fate
so we gave all out.
we fight.we bled.we cried.
but we nvr tot of giving up.
many things got sacrificed along the way
but it will all be worth it in the end. or so we tot.
when the end really has to end. we noe we failed.
we think back of the times we shared.
are we happy jus becos at least we tried?
are we satisfied with ourselves just giving our best?
are there times we noe we cud have done better ?
the effort and sacrifices no longer matter now.
nobody rmbs or even mentions abt them.
but wad matters to u now?

jus so how much extent wld you go to keep smth u love by ur side?
is giving ur best enough? is making sacrifices enough?
wld u continue to fight on if u noe u are losing it?
afterall effort doesnt guarantee success.
it may just be another futile fight

i hate struggling with my own feelings.